Motivation

Up to this point I haven't really said much about myself or my situation. I am mid-twenties headed back to school. When I enrolled I was very confident there would be more help available such as day care. Never once did I expect my motivation or drive to fail me. This is what I've wanted for near 12 years give or take a few. Most people will tell you a 14 yr old girl doesn't know what they want right then, much less what they want to be in the future. Everything about me screams to the contrary. So recently my lack of motivation for my schooling has shocked and depressed me. Fortunately I was assigned to a group project in motivation, a god send from a class I hate. Go figure! While researching my portion of the assignment I found this website.

http://www.motivation-tools.com

Not only does it describe what I have always thought to be fundamental in running a business; it also is written based on experience.

I switched my major a while back for various reasons. Originally I had planned for a BS in Business Management, currently I'm listed as a 2yr Accounting major. Fundamentally not to far apart since my first semester classes all count toward the accounting. Although they are just not the same. Reviewing my topic of motivation did not call into question my motivation for school. I knew already I was lacking the drive to become an accountant. Reading about the experiences of others regarding failed types of management drew my attention to why I am unhappy with accounting.

I love knowing the accounting, its by far my favorite class. However I have always wanted to implement my own standards of management in the work I do. Who wants to work for someone else when you know you could run a better ship? Now I'm not getting cocky believe me there are many people more qualified, and more educated in leading a team. I am just willing to be a part of whatever team I lead and that is a true rarity in the world of business. Personally I blame my father. Those who knew him, and especially those who worked for him can understand why I might feel this way. Life is a struggle, unfortunately it is often a struggle to survive financially. Why toil in despair for others? Work hard to see yourself and those you work with succeed! In small business run properly a success for the owner is a success for the entire workforce. This is how life should be on any scale.

In short stop by this website, see for yourself why I want a degree in Business Management. I want to change the situations I've been in, working for big business, for myself and others. Just see if I don't!

Meandering through life

I've been a little burned out lately and got to thinking about life. Sometimes I dare to hope for things that may not be within my grasp. Things that would be the icing on the cake, so to speak. Occasionally the daily struggle of life drags me into an ocean of gloom.
In my sea of unhappiness there is an island with white sandy beaches the perfect amount of shade and warm waters. There I am happy anyway, even though I may be marooned for all eternity in the same place. My days are filled with laughter and love, and of course the occasional argument just to round things off nicely.
On days I'm down and feeling stuck in life I still have to be thankful. My husband is my island and my son the constant joy. No matter what comes along in life, or doesn't, I will always be happy. The sun will always shine in my heart and there will always be a reason to hope for more.
So today I decided that my hope for things I may never have is ok because I've already gotten everything I want. There must be a limit to how happy one person can be. I hope that I never find my limit and pray that you never find yours.

Stupid teacher

You know I'd just like to explain to you that my having to miss your class is not a personal attack on you. Fortunately you think highly enough of yourself that questioning your "teaching" ability has never crossed your mind. Congratulations dear for hitting a nerve today. Ma'am you have a way of inspiring people. "Why don't you drop out until you can get your life together?" Yes! That's it I was always wondering what I should say to someone who is extremely stressed that they had to miss 2 weeks of school recently. How can I ever thank you? I am amazed, really.

Again I would like to tell you that missing your class is in no way, a personal attack on you or your teaching style. However, if I were missing school just because I got sick of you rambling about a chapter you've already required us to read, while adding no new information..... well then I'd just ignore you all together. I must have misconstrued the part of my social education that taught me if you care, you let people know what is going on to be polite. Apparently, this world asks that when you must be absent you get in much less trouble if you ignore the fact that it ever happened. Maybe that is why I get catty remarks.

I've thought about it though and you're right. Dropping out of school and waiting for things stop happening so that I can "get my life together" is a great idea. Then when I'm 80 and senile I might be able to come back and try for an education. Novel concept, maybe I could get it done sooner if I just decided to pull all my teeth out and live in a bubble! That way I'd never have teeth that need to be pulled on a day you hold class! Although that troublesome car injury might give me trouble again sometime in my life. Hell that could be a permanent injury! Guess I'll ever be able to go to school to bad for me... I just couldn't get my life together enough.

Sorry to have wasted your precious time with my silly dreams of a college education. You could have spent all that time.... I don't know, regurgitating chapters from a book to a room full of people who could care less. Again my apologies.

To great friends

Tonight I was thinking about some very basic things about me. To be specific the type of guys I tend to fall for... I once had a best friend many years ago who, like most best friends, knew me better than I did. For my birthday she gave me a great tape and a pin that says "I love Cowboys" both of which I still have. All these years I've kept them to remind me where I started out. A little quiet, pretty dorky and well, bookish. While I was thinking I realized that this very simple truth "I love Cowboys" held in it much more than just that. Of course every girl likes a nice Wrangler butt every now and then. Mine I'm sure is much more than that. This small pin was a complete pre-cursor to my entire life (up til now). What amazing foresight, honey I love you!!! You rock!

While this seems like such a small realization to others, to me it was huge! My friend from so many years ago, guessed at what has become a life long trend for me. Amazing. Naturally, this "aha" moment is brought to you by music. Namely "I'm goin' out with my boots on." by Randy Houser. Ya I'm bad I know, but I'm just sooooo good at it! So ya, most the men I tend to date are exactly as he's describing himself in that song: Dirty old hats, crooked lil grins, calloused hands, boots, Copenhagen rings. Yeah I dated a few bad habits, but yet again they were sooooo fun. Which now bring me to my husband :)

Girl you were right, I definitely love myself a cowboy! Although I would have to say he's a great balance of country and city, which has been a problem in the past. I'd have to say he cleans up better than good. Though he has that 'lil something, maybe an attitude that you get from hard work and horse sweat. At any rate, we're a good fit and I'm glad that I have a thing for that crooked lil grin. I just can't help it. Either way even if I don't talk much about my past it means a lot to me. You girls taught me a lot about me, being a girl, and standing up for myself. I'm so grateful for the time I had with you and wish it'd been more.

God grants us limited time together. What we do with that time defines us as people. You girl, are great. Love you tons, forever!

Thanks for nuthin!!

I would like to thank the truck driving industry. Thank you for "training" people in two weeks and putting them on the road in killing machine asap.

There used to be a time when truck drivers were courteous, prepared, respectful, careful, safe, and knowledgeable. Granted there was once a time when all drivers conducted themselves honorably. Keep in mind that an 18 wheel truck is nothing like a 4 wheel car!

More and more often I find myself giving a "professional" driver more credit than they deserve. I drive a lot and more often I find myself put in a dangerous situation because a driver is not paying attention. I am sad to say that it is rare to find a CDL driver who can actually drive! I do know many drivers, however I see a lot more on the roads and they scare me! Texting in a regular car risks lives, texting while piloting a loaded (or unloaded) tractor-trailer is insanity!

I used to admire CDL drivers for their skill and constant vigilance while driving. Now I get away from them as quickly as possible. If you are a CDL driver and you are angered by this, feel free to leave a comment. Hopefully you will also be mindful of your own habits and communicate the short comings of others. Today I was cut of my a Flying J driver pulling doubles. Of course, you all know that Flying J hauls fuel and usually in doubles, as was the case today.

I drive a VW GTI, two door little hot-hatch. I love my car and the fact that its small! However, regardless of size I never would have pulled a move like this driver did. Obviously the hazmat test and training must have slipped this fellow's mind right. I agree that a lot probably slipped his mind, since he was busy chatting away on a cell. He must have missed the BRIGHT RED car already in the lane he didn't check!

All I ask is that when you climb out of your sleeper take 5 minutes. Consider the size of your truck, the size of an average family car, and the life of the cutest 'lil 3 year old I've ever seen. Yes you are bigger, yes you are on the road more, but those are the 2 best reasons for you to be safe! In a single moment of distraction you could murder me, my baby boy, and many other people in many cars all in a split second. Can you live with that?

Wedding Dresses

Recently I've taken a job selling wedding dresses. For someone who is very not "girlie" this is an incredible challenge. I expected it to be hard, and do not look forward to pimping myself as required for the job. However helping other women find a wedding dress they love is not as challenging as I had originally imagined!



In my first week I've found many girls feel the way I felt when I was looking for my dress. I am shocked! The task I dreaded most in planning my own wedding was finding a dress. I had no idea where to begin what to look for, what size I wore and definitely clueless as to what was underneath one of those! Looking back I still feel I made the right choice for me and even though I work with many many beautiful dresses I'm very much in love with mine.



Relating to the women who come in is much easier then expected, as is judging likes and body styles. So what you ask am I doing up at 5am stressing about my job. Well its not finding the right dress, its selling it. Getting them to take it out the door is my problem. So far I've had 3 out of 5 brides find the dress they won't be able to top. None of them have bought it. I'm a failure! My one task is to find them the "one" dress and send them home with it. I've found the dresses......



Either way, its keeping me up. I come home at night with images of gorgeous bridal gowns filling my thoughts. Most girls would love this, to dream of not only beautiful gowns but ones that are real! I hate it!!! I'm going bonkers. I can no longer function in society and my fingers hurt from zipping up dresses. Now I know why the rich used to have servants to dress them. It would have been impossible to lace a corset and dress yourself. Zippers are of course a great invention, but those also require help on even the simplest gowns.



The evolution of the wedding dress is amazing as well. If you are planning to get married soon take some time to look up the tradition and superstitions associated with modern day wedding rituals. Great insight into the evolution of our culture. It will also make you think about what tradition is important to your individual background and why. This will in turn help you customize and personalize your own ceremony and bridal attire, making your special day even more special to you and your groom.

Daddy's Girl

Dear Dad,

It seems as though another year has come and gone without you. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you. People don't understand me, not like you did. Not once did I thank you for the time you spent listening while I cried about silly girl stuff. All those nights I was frustrated with myself and you helped me through it. My ambition and sanity come from you. I just wanted you to know. I should have said something, I should have stayed home, I should have done many things, none of which I can change now.

I wrote a speech for your funeral, it was one of my best. Even though I wasn't able to make it I'm sure you heard. My heart has screamed it for years. For 3 months I stayed in bed, I'm sorry if it disappointed you, I'm better now. So that is good. You taught me many things, they're starting to sink in, I promise I'm getting better!

That dream still haunts me, the one I wouldn't tell you about. I knew it would come true and I couldn't bear to tell you of your end. Sometimes I lay awake at night scared that I'll have it again. Silly of me because on bad days it play in my head like a broken record. I found someone who doesn't understand but is patient with me anyway.

Thank you for my baby, I'm sure you talked him into being my son. He makes mouth noises too, but I'm sure you already knew that. He has a great sense of self and reminds me of you a lot. Often I wish that he could visit you, you'd absolutely adore him. I struggle to remember that you know and do see him often. I'm losing my connection to that side of existence and I'm scared to lose you. When I feel like I'm starting to forget it hurts even more that you're gone.

Do you know how many lives you touched? We should have had you services in a much larger venue. I've never seen so many people gather for one person. I know that there were many others wishing they could have made it! You could see the respect that people had for you one their faces. So many people loved you and miss you still. I am honored that you are my father. My daddy and that you loved me, and thought I was worth your time.

The value placed in me and my opinions allowed me to value myself and helped build my own sense of self-worth. You gave me the greatest gift a parent could give any child! The person I am and will become is a direct result of the time you spent. Daddy, you treated me like I was someone and like I had something to offer. I will never forget that ever.

I will not allow others to tear me down, or make me feel inferior because I know better. You taught me that. Everyday I step out my door with confidence and modesty, knowing that I am someone. Thank you for making me who I am and giving me the tools to succeed in life. I miss you and I won't ever stop. It will hurt until the day I die and that's ok because it helps me remember who I am and how I got there. I love you daddy.

Your Little One