Daddy's Girl

Dear Dad,

It seems as though another year has come and gone without you. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you. People don't understand me, not like you did. Not once did I thank you for the time you spent listening while I cried about silly girl stuff. All those nights I was frustrated with myself and you helped me through it. My ambition and sanity come from you. I just wanted you to know. I should have said something, I should have stayed home, I should have done many things, none of which I can change now.

I wrote a speech for your funeral, it was one of my best. Even though I wasn't able to make it I'm sure you heard. My heart has screamed it for years. For 3 months I stayed in bed, I'm sorry if it disappointed you, I'm better now. So that is good. You taught me many things, they're starting to sink in, I promise I'm getting better!

That dream still haunts me, the one I wouldn't tell you about. I knew it would come true and I couldn't bear to tell you of your end. Sometimes I lay awake at night scared that I'll have it again. Silly of me because on bad days it play in my head like a broken record. I found someone who doesn't understand but is patient with me anyway.

Thank you for my baby, I'm sure you talked him into being my son. He makes mouth noises too, but I'm sure you already knew that. He has a great sense of self and reminds me of you a lot. Often I wish that he could visit you, you'd absolutely adore him. I struggle to remember that you know and do see him often. I'm losing my connection to that side of existence and I'm scared to lose you. When I feel like I'm starting to forget it hurts even more that you're gone.

Do you know how many lives you touched? We should have had you services in a much larger venue. I've never seen so many people gather for one person. I know that there were many others wishing they could have made it! You could see the respect that people had for you one their faces. So many people loved you and miss you still. I am honored that you are my father. My daddy and that you loved me, and thought I was worth your time.

The value placed in me and my opinions allowed me to value myself and helped build my own sense of self-worth. You gave me the greatest gift a parent could give any child! The person I am and will become is a direct result of the time you spent. Daddy, you treated me like I was someone and like I had something to offer. I will never forget that ever.

I will not allow others to tear me down, or make me feel inferior because I know better. You taught me that. Everyday I step out my door with confidence and modesty, knowing that I am someone. Thank you for making me who I am and giving me the tools to succeed in life. I miss you and I won't ever stop. It will hurt until the day I die and that's ok because it helps me remember who I am and how I got there. I love you daddy.

Your Little One