Thanks for nuthin!!

I would like to thank the truck driving industry. Thank you for "training" people in two weeks and putting them on the road in killing machine asap.

There used to be a time when truck drivers were courteous, prepared, respectful, careful, safe, and knowledgeable. Granted there was once a time when all drivers conducted themselves honorably. Keep in mind that an 18 wheel truck is nothing like a 4 wheel car!

More and more often I find myself giving a "professional" driver more credit than they deserve. I drive a lot and more often I find myself put in a dangerous situation because a driver is not paying attention. I am sad to say that it is rare to find a CDL driver who can actually drive! I do know many drivers, however I see a lot more on the roads and they scare me! Texting in a regular car risks lives, texting while piloting a loaded (or unloaded) tractor-trailer is insanity!

I used to admire CDL drivers for their skill and constant vigilance while driving. Now I get away from them as quickly as possible. If you are a CDL driver and you are angered by this, feel free to leave a comment. Hopefully you will also be mindful of your own habits and communicate the short comings of others. Today I was cut of my a Flying J driver pulling doubles. Of course, you all know that Flying J hauls fuel and usually in doubles, as was the case today.

I drive a VW GTI, two door little hot-hatch. I love my car and the fact that its small! However, regardless of size I never would have pulled a move like this driver did. Obviously the hazmat test and training must have slipped this fellow's mind right. I agree that a lot probably slipped his mind, since he was busy chatting away on a cell. He must have missed the BRIGHT RED car already in the lane he didn't check!

All I ask is that when you climb out of your sleeper take 5 minutes. Consider the size of your truck, the size of an average family car, and the life of the cutest 'lil 3 year old I've ever seen. Yes you are bigger, yes you are on the road more, but those are the 2 best reasons for you to be safe! In a single moment of distraction you could murder me, my baby boy, and many other people in many cars all in a split second. Can you live with that?

Wedding Dresses

Recently I've taken a job selling wedding dresses. For someone who is very not "girlie" this is an incredible challenge. I expected it to be hard, and do not look forward to pimping myself as required for the job. However helping other women find a wedding dress they love is not as challenging as I had originally imagined!



In my first week I've found many girls feel the way I felt when I was looking for my dress. I am shocked! The task I dreaded most in planning my own wedding was finding a dress. I had no idea where to begin what to look for, what size I wore and definitely clueless as to what was underneath one of those! Looking back I still feel I made the right choice for me and even though I work with many many beautiful dresses I'm very much in love with mine.



Relating to the women who come in is much easier then expected, as is judging likes and body styles. So what you ask am I doing up at 5am stressing about my job. Well its not finding the right dress, its selling it. Getting them to take it out the door is my problem. So far I've had 3 out of 5 brides find the dress they won't be able to top. None of them have bought it. I'm a failure! My one task is to find them the "one" dress and send them home with it. I've found the dresses......



Either way, its keeping me up. I come home at night with images of gorgeous bridal gowns filling my thoughts. Most girls would love this, to dream of not only beautiful gowns but ones that are real! I hate it!!! I'm going bonkers. I can no longer function in society and my fingers hurt from zipping up dresses. Now I know why the rich used to have servants to dress them. It would have been impossible to lace a corset and dress yourself. Zippers are of course a great invention, but those also require help on even the simplest gowns.



The evolution of the wedding dress is amazing as well. If you are planning to get married soon take some time to look up the tradition and superstitions associated with modern day wedding rituals. Great insight into the evolution of our culture. It will also make you think about what tradition is important to your individual background and why. This will in turn help you customize and personalize your own ceremony and bridal attire, making your special day even more special to you and your groom.

Daddy's Girl

Dear Dad,

It seems as though another year has come and gone without you. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you. People don't understand me, not like you did. Not once did I thank you for the time you spent listening while I cried about silly girl stuff. All those nights I was frustrated with myself and you helped me through it. My ambition and sanity come from you. I just wanted you to know. I should have said something, I should have stayed home, I should have done many things, none of which I can change now.

I wrote a speech for your funeral, it was one of my best. Even though I wasn't able to make it I'm sure you heard. My heart has screamed it for years. For 3 months I stayed in bed, I'm sorry if it disappointed you, I'm better now. So that is good. You taught me many things, they're starting to sink in, I promise I'm getting better!

That dream still haunts me, the one I wouldn't tell you about. I knew it would come true and I couldn't bear to tell you of your end. Sometimes I lay awake at night scared that I'll have it again. Silly of me because on bad days it play in my head like a broken record. I found someone who doesn't understand but is patient with me anyway.

Thank you for my baby, I'm sure you talked him into being my son. He makes mouth noises too, but I'm sure you already knew that. He has a great sense of self and reminds me of you a lot. Often I wish that he could visit you, you'd absolutely adore him. I struggle to remember that you know and do see him often. I'm losing my connection to that side of existence and I'm scared to lose you. When I feel like I'm starting to forget it hurts even more that you're gone.

Do you know how many lives you touched? We should have had you services in a much larger venue. I've never seen so many people gather for one person. I know that there were many others wishing they could have made it! You could see the respect that people had for you one their faces. So many people loved you and miss you still. I am honored that you are my father. My daddy and that you loved me, and thought I was worth your time.

The value placed in me and my opinions allowed me to value myself and helped build my own sense of self-worth. You gave me the greatest gift a parent could give any child! The person I am and will become is a direct result of the time you spent. Daddy, you treated me like I was someone and like I had something to offer. I will never forget that ever.

I will not allow others to tear me down, or make me feel inferior because I know better. You taught me that. Everyday I step out my door with confidence and modesty, knowing that I am someone. Thank you for making me who I am and giving me the tools to succeed in life. I miss you and I won't ever stop. It will hurt until the day I die and that's ok because it helps me remember who I am and how I got there. I love you daddy.

Your Little One

Music

I love music! There are so many beautiful things that can come from music. The power of music can draw us together, tear us apart, communicate feelings without words, and dictate our mood. Nothing compares to a good soundtrack!

I think about this as I listen to one of my many play lists (of course). This one I simply labeled fun, because its just fun to listen to! Now playing: Santana and Rob Thomas "Smooth". Total awesomeness to say the least. What would I give to be as incredibly talented and Carlos Santana?!?

There is song that sums it up for me. David Allen Coe's "The Ride" the chorus goes as follows:

He said drifter can you make folks cry when you play and sing,

Have you paid your dues?

Can you moan the blues?

Can you bend them guitar strings?

He said boy can you make folks feel what you feel inside?

Cause if you're big star bound let me warn you its a long hard ride.

A great performer can make you feel what they feel. Great songs can lift your spirit or help you understand another's point of view. If you can connect emotionally to a song or movie feel lucky that you've found a great piece of work in dying arts.

My father and I definitely grew up differently and had many different tastes. However we often agreed on music. Good music spans many gaps. I'll never forget the day I was listening to Jewel on the big stereo in the dining room. I was sure that he would ask me to turn it off. Instead I got the exact opposite reaction! Dad actually told me he really liked her and that my favorite song on the CD was also his favorite. I was stunned, completely amazed that not only had he taken the time to evaluate what I liked, but he was willing to admit that it had any value. I was constantly surprised at the value my father held in the things I liked and what I was interested in!

So if you are a parent, please take the time to be interested in your children. They might actually have some very valuable things to offer. If you are a kid, or even an adult, your parents definitely have many useful tidbits to share. Take the time to listen to someone else, or their music, it will teach you many things about them and their generation. Knowledge is precious and should be sought anywhere possible.

Just to leave you with a closing thought. My father and I would always joke about the fact that he listened to Aerosmith when he was my age and I also love them. Often we would opt to listen to the oldies station because it's what I preferred. I cherish greatly the memories of long drives with my father, singing the same songs and listening to the stories of his life when they came out. Wishing that you could still get 2 hot dogs and a Coke for a quarter. There is so much that we might never know. If we never take the time to listen, we miss the stories of the past and may never know about our beginning.

Dear Me, SLOW DOWN!!!

Recently I've rediscovered the feeling of not doing enough. "Surprise, surprise" says the overachieving procrastinator. (Yes it is quiet possible, I'll explain someday.)
I thought this was something that had passed after the countless night spent crying to my dad and the resulting hole in wall. Patience knows an end in most anybody. In my seeming regression, I find another link to that girl I used to be. The girl who didn't change poopies, and clean up other peoples' puke. Not saying I'd go back, but I do occasionally miss her.

Now reasonably not much has changed, just a baby and a husband. However that is just enough to make you feel like you no longer know yourself. An unfortunate side effect of not being quiet ready. No, I think its more, never having considered the idea until I was in the middle of it. Now for a girl who never wanted to be tied down to anything, I think I'm adjusting beautifully to the new me!!!

So where I wonder could I do more? I think I'll get another job. Sure the one I have is great but really guys 6hrs a week? Ya definitely could replace that one asap. Maybe it just guilt I'm feeling for my recent lack of motivation. Maybe its that reoccurring nightmare that just happened to come true. Talk about your rotten luck! I think maybe I just miss my daddy. Why is it that I'm doing the things I'm doing? Is it really because I'm good at it, which I think I am, nah I know I am. Or is it because that's what he did, and in doing it I feel closer to him? Stupid things to wonder about huh. Maybe what I should be wondering is which therapist to go to. Or maybe I should just turn myself in before they commit me anyway!

Life always has that one twist in it that makes you realize you're never going to be the same. How we decide to handle it is what defines us as people. Good or bad it's how we handle the situations we create, as well as the ones we are handed. There is a lot in my life I've done that was wrong, or handled poorly. Not much of it I would change though. Every decision, good, bad or indifferent has led me here making me who I am. Now I'm not entirely happy with who that is just at this moment, but I will be! I have come to accept at least one thing and that is I am exactly who I choose to be. Right now I'm choosing to be better than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I will be better than I am today.

Eventually I will be exactly what I have been wanting for so many years. Life is a journey, I think I'll be on my way!